There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
