You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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