Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
