margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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