you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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