I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
