Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
