I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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