Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
