Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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