If i come over, it means nothing
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
