Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
