My room smells like vodka and shame
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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