My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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