He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
