She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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