You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
