Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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