No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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