She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
