I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
