Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
