Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
