The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
