Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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