someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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