I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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