why didn't you poke me back
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
