Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
