I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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