it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone says I win the strip club
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
