i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
