did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
