She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would ride that face into the sunset
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
