Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
