I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
