he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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