I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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