i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
