Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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