i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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