I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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