weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
