maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need to calm my uterus...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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