I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
