at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
