Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize