OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize