Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
