Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
