Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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