Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
