I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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