so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
