This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
