that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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