Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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