He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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