Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
