I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
