If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
