Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
