yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
