Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
