my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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