:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
two words: eviction party
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You may now shotgun with the bride
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
