Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
