so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
