Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
