ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
