We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize