Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
