I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize