i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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