He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
