when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
