Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
