I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
