Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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