My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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