never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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