if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
